How Not to Stumble over Words

We have all done it and are still experiencing it when prospecting: stumbling over your words because your customer reacts differently to what you expected. In particular, when meeting with someone you have never met, your brain must work hard to ‘read the room’ and prepare for a great first ‘meet and greet’. I have done some homework to determine what is going on in our brains in such situations and how to prevent awkward starts in sales conversations. With a little bit of help from Jeb Blount and Anthony Iannarino (here is the video to watch if you are interested in the full explanation), it is worthwhile to understand first the brain physics in these situations so we can prepare for awkward moments like rejection and get us off on a great start.

There are three leading voices in our brains.

Thousands of years ago, when we were fighting to survive and aiming to get to the top of the food chain, humans developed a Reptilian brain called the Autonomous brain. Here, it houses the Amygdala, which is involved in processing emotional responses, including feelings of happiness, fear, anger, and anxiety. It triggers to make decisions like fight or flight (handy in the Stone Age). Although it glows in 2024 at a very low flame, in these times, it was flying sparks all day. Having said this, even now, subconsciously, it scans your environment to ensure you are safe.

We have an Emotional or Functional brain that takes neuro messages from the Reptilian brain that you have little control over and turns them into a feeling of fight or flight. Then you have your neuro cortex, which is your rational brain, which communicates with the two other brains and helps them understand what is happening in the environment and your situation.

The Challenge

The problem we face when dealing with a threat, or the fear of failure and rejection, is that the Reptilian brain takes over the other two brains before anything else happens. This is why you, for example, feel all your muscles cramp when you have to ski down an unknown black slope a bit steeper than you expected or when you grab the steering wheel of a brand-new car so unnecessarily tight when driving it out of the dealership’s garage. Adrenaline is released, and blood rushes from your brain into your muscles. That is just your Reptile brain taking over because it feels dangerous, like a threat or loss of credibility, certainty and confidence. Things start to cramp up. After a minute or so, your Rational brain takes control and tells everyone to calm down and find ways to come down the ski slope in one piece or drive the new car as the coolest dude on the highway.

Unexpected customer reactions

So what often happens when Salespeople fail to have a real connection with a prospect in those first minutes is that adrenaline (pushed by the Reptile brain) triggers a blood rush to your muscles. It does not leave enough blood in your brain to connect the correct wires to the rational part of your brain. As Jeb Blount formulates this:

It’s like you are trying to deal with what is happening and try to respond to that rejection while you are drunk

Jeb Blount

You are thrown off your line of thought, stumble over your words, and don’t know what to say immediately.

Prevention is better than cure.

How not to stumble for words starts with understanding why this is happening (now you know), but above all, prevent getting into this situation. How do you raise your confidence and credibility? How can you ensure you are on the same radio frequency as your prospect so that mutual respect and dialogue are happening without you being questioned or thrown off by unexpected questions that make it hard for you as a salesperson to stay in control of the meeting?

1. An Agenda controls the expectation

Think for a moment from the prospect’s perspective. They have never met you before. What mindset are they going into your meeting with? This may vary, like

• “I am rushed for time. Let’s see how we can shorten this meeting.”
• I hope this salesperson is not going to ask me many questions. I hope they have done their homework and they make the meeting interesting.
• We are pretty content with our current supplier. Still, checking what else is available on the market is always good.

Setting (and sending) a clear Agenda ahead of the meeting is probably the best way to control the prospect’s expectations. You may not always be in that situation, but if you are, your agenda says: This is my reason for meeting with you.

2. Show-Verify-Ask underscores your credibility

The second way to build that quick report and reach the prospect’s same frequency wave is using the SHOW-VERIFY-ASK technique. While using this technique, the prospect hears:

I have done my homework, and have a pretty good idea what you are going through, and after I have clarified a few things I am ready to help you with my experience and what I see happening with other customers

Using the Show-Verify-Ask technique, your prospect perceives you as a credible person with the same intentions, namely through collaborative dialogue, brainstorming ideas, and adding or creating value to help them move forward in their buying process.

3. Rehearse in a safe environment

Show-Verify-Ask is not new. Top-performing salespeople use it unintentionally all the time. However, it is a structure that can be learned; it can be mastered if you practice in a safe environment, e.g. role-playing with your sales colleagues or sales manager. You practice time after time until it becomes a habit. Meeting with prospects will be smoother and more enjoyable for you and the customer, without awkward moments and stumbling for words.

Thanks to Jeb and Anthony for your inspiration.